Family ties.

I never had the chance to meet my dad's mother. She died in 1964 when my dad was just 16 years old. We've never spoken much about her...I've never asked too many questions. I think I'm afraid to upset him as he was very close to her and know he was absolutely heartbroken when she passed away. He still speaks about her with a certain softness that I have never been brave enough to press for details. I have seen many photos of her and my great aunt has mentioned more than once that I remind her of my grandma. I see the photos and certainly don't see myself in the beautiful, statuesque woman I only know in black and white, but I do know enough about her short life to appreciate the sentiment.

DeLois Davenport(my grandma), Effie Davenport (my great-grandmother) and my dad.

I've been thinking about my Grandma DeLois a lot more lately....maybe it's because I'm about to have a little girl and I have such huge dreams for her; much like I'm sure my grandmother did for my young father. And even though I never had the pleasure of meeting her, I know that we are tied by so much more than just faded photographs and DNA. I know there is a part of her that will always be with me, even though I never knew her.

Grandma DeLois right before her wedding.

I know my grandmother was raised by a sweet, loving mother, so I'm assuming her personality was sweet as well (knowing my Great-Grandma Effie, she would be incapable of raising a mean child.) She was a Sunday School teacher and involved in Eastern Star. She loved shoes, owning many pairs (I know I did inherit that from her!) I know she fought bravely at the end of her life, but I know she was welcomed home by her Savior when she passed. I am so thankful for her life as she gave me my dear father. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to ask about her...I want to do that so she's not lost with my father forever when he's gone. I want my little girl to know the stories of a lady born long ago who is still, in so many ways, right here with us today.

Missing you.

It's so hard to believe that's it’s been so long since I've seen your face. Eleven long years missing you with such an intensity that's still fresh in my heart. I remember having "guys breakfasts" with you and Dad. Your bib overalls. The way your heart valve clicked. I remember your great joy and appreciation of a good meal. I remember you catching my feet while I was swinging and asking, "Where are you going to go now?" It saddens me that you never met Brent, never saw me graduate college, and will never meet my children. It makes me sad that my babies will never know you and the absolutely amazing person that you were. My heart breaks that there are no new pictures of you, no new messages on my answering machine with your voice. I can't pick up the phone and tell you that I love you.

I know your life was one well lived and without regrets. Every breath was filled with passion and love for life and God's wonderful creation. You gardened. You exercised. You prayed. You worked hard at everything you did. You helped at the church. And you loved your family and friends like no one I've ever known.

I have no doubt where you are now, and that you are at peace. You no longer know pain or suffering and no longer feel sadness. I know that you are with the Savior you love so dearly. I know I will see you again one day, and some days I just can't wait for that day to come. Until then, my heart is calmed by knowing that you are one of my favorite of Heaven's angels, saving a special place for me.

October.

October - by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if they were all
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost-
For the grapes' sake along the wall.